30 Days of Thanksgiving-Being Thankful Isn't Always Easy

     This month, I'm blogging about Thanksgiving. Not just about the holiday, but about developing a lifestyle of thanksgiving which can radically change your life.

      Several years ago, I wrote a bible study called "30 Days of Thanks." What I determined during my research is that "thanksgiving" boils down to four things:

      1- Thanksgiving is an act of gratitude

      2- Thanksgiving is an act of sacrifice

      3- Thanksgiving is a call to relationship

      4- Thanksgiving is a call to action

      In the last blog, I wrote about gratitude as a lifestyle. Read it here. Thanksgiving is also an act of sacrifice. Ouch. Sacrifice? Like... give something up?: Like... put someone or something else ahead of my own interests? Like...not always being #1? 

      Yeah. Like that.

       In the Old Testament, "sacrifice" had a literal meaning. It typically meant a physical sacrifice of food or animals. When Christ came on the scene, the meaning of sacrifice began to change. The apostle Paul tells us that sacrifice is no longer mostly about the act. It's more about the heart because what's in our heart will determine the way we act. (Funny how that works, huh?)

      Thanksgiving is sacrifice because it is not always easy. Sometimes we just don't feel like being thankful. We can't see the good in what is happening in our own life, in the lives of our family or friends, or in the world. We see innocent people murdered, lives cut short by disease, and relationships splintered by hurtful actions.  We are sad, hurting, angry or confused. We just don't feel like saying 'thank you."

        So, why do it? Lots of reasons. First, giving thanks takes the focus off what is troubling us and puts it on something, or someone, positive. It keeps us from being paralyzed by fear, anger, or grief. It keeps us from rash actions that may be driven by our fear, anger or grief. Sacrificial thanks may not change our situation but it may change us. And if we are changed, we may view our situation differently and be more open to finding solutions to problems or challenges.

         Hear me on this: giving thanks in difficult times doesn't mean we ignore what is troubling us. It means we find one good thing or person in the situation and give thanks in the midst of the trouble. It doesn't mean we ignore the evil in the world- whether it's our own little world or the world at large. It means we give thanks that we have the heart to recognize the evil and the motivation to change the situation. It doesn't mean that our heart doesn't hurt. It means we open our hurting heart to the people or opportunities that can bring healing.

          Sometimes, we have to ask God to show us what we can be thankful for. And when he does... and when we are... there's one last step. We look for sacrificial ways to "do good." In the book of Hebrews, we are told to "do good and share with others for with such sacrifices, God is pleased."(Hebrews 13:16 emphasis mine)

           In my last blog post, I asked you to take inventory of your life and write down what you are truly thankful for in your life. People, community, church, health, possessions, forgiveness, grace... etc.

          Now, I want you to list at least two things that you find it difficult, if not impossible, to be thankful for. Then, I want you to think about those things, meditate on them, then write down one or two ways you can still give thanks. Sacrificial thanks. From your heart.

          Don't feel like giving thanks? For just this one month, do it anyway. Then, do good. See if it makes a difference in you life. I believe it will. And, I'd love to hear from you about it.

Next Blog: Thanksgiving is a call to relationship

30 Days of Thanks: It's More Than Mere Words (Day 1)

“30 Days of Thanks.” It’s a thing. For the past several years, people have used the entire month of November, not just Thanksgiving Day, as an opportunity to reflect on what they are thankful for in their lives. They post about it on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. They write about the people, things, and opportunities for which they give thanks. That’s a good thing. And, I’ve read that if we do something consistently for 30 days, it becomes a habit. That makes “30 Days of Thanks” an even better thing.

     I’ve been encouraging a journey of 30 Days of Thanks since before it was “a thing.” In 2009, I wrote a bible study on the importance of a thankful lifestyle. Here’s what I learned:

1.      Thanksgiving is an act of gratitude.

2.      Thanksgiving is an act of sacrifice.

3.      Thanksgiving is a call relationship

4.      Thanksgiving is a call to action

     Did you notice that in each of those statements, “thanksgiving” is a noun that requires an action? How about that? Thanksgiving is something we “do” and as such, becomes part of who we are. Thanksgiving is largely about the attitude of the heart. Why is that so important?                       

     The practice of giving thanks is established in both the Old and New Testaments. The act of gratitude, giving thanks first and foremost to God, was a crucial part of not only worship but also of lifestyle because, “Every good and perfect gift is from above…” (James 1:17.)  

     Thanksgiving is also an act of gratitude toward others. When someone shows you a kindness, feel grateful instead of entitled. When someone offers to open the door, pick up the tab, or pay you a compliment, accept their courtesy and then tell them how much you appreciate them. Your appreciation will be a boost to their spirit, and to yours! 

  The act of gratitude is important because it takes the focus off "self" and puts it on God and on the people who make our life worth living. It reminds us that we are part of something bigger than our own ego. It reminds us that our life is full not only because of our own efforts but because of answers to prayer and acts of love from other people. It prevents us from becoming arrogant and thinking we've gotten to where we are without any help... from "above" and from others. It keeps our heart soft instead allowing it to become hard. It reminds us of just how much we need God and others in our lives. This attitude of gratitude will spill over to others. Have you ever known someone who was just-so-joyful because they were just-so-thankful not just in the moment, but every day? This is the person who has allowed gratitude to become an attitude!

     How can we show our gratitude to God?

1.      Talk to him (prayer)

2.      Read his “letters” to you (bible study)

3.      Pay it forward (use what he gives to us to bless others)

4.      Be the hands and feet of Jesus in the world (service)

5.      Follow the example of Jesus (be kind, giving, forgiving, moral, instructive)

     How can we show our gratitude to others?

1.      Talk with them (spend time talking, not just texting or emailing)

2.      Write a letter of thanks or appreciation to them

3.      Pay it forward (do something nice for no reason at all

  -    Follow the example of Jesus (be kind, giving, forgiving, moral, instructive)

                       One of the first ways we can begin to cultivate a mindset of gratitude, or thankfulness, is to take inventory of our lives. Despite the hassles and heartbreaks our life may be sprinkled with, when we take inventory we are often surprised to see just how much we have to be truly thankful for... the people in our life, our health, our possessions, our community.

                        I challenge you to take that inventory today. Write a list of what you have to be most thankful for. Take your list and put it somewhere you will see it every morning. Put it by the coffeemaker, your toothbrush, your bathroom mirror. Read the list every morning and find one way, just one way for that one day, to demonstrate your gratitude to God for the goodness He has shown you, recalling that every good and perfect gift has come from Him. These may be outright gifts or opportunities He puts in our path, or people, or wisdom and strength to do what we have to do. Find one way, just one way for that one day, to demonstrate your gratitude to others for the blessings they bring into your life. Give thanks for them and give thanks TO them!

                      In my Sunday School class, we would write our "thanksgivings" on colored strips of construction paper, then loop the strips, staple them and attach the loops. At the end of November, we had a chain... tangible evidence of all the goodness in our lives. My husband and I are going to do that this month. Why don't you do the same? Take pictures of your "chain of thanks" as it grows day by day. Your heart will be full. I'd love to hear from you about that.

                        Next blog: Thanksgiving is an act of sacrifice.

                        PS- I'm thankful for you and that you took the time to read this. God bless you and yours during this Thanksgiving month.

The Love Month

      It’s the "Love Month." You know, the month when Cupid takes aim, couples swoon, Hallmark gives itself a high five and romance fills the air. For a day. And a night. Then what?

      Don’t get me wrong. Romance on Valentine’s Day is great! But romance for life… that’s beyond wonderful. How do you make it happen? Between juggling the kids, the boss, the bills, the chores… who has time for romance? And, what’s the big deal anyway?

     Trust me, it’s a big deal.

     I wrote a little book a few years ago called “30 Days To Better Love.” It was written for men, but the advice also applies to women and couples everywhere. The point is that we need to take care of our romantic relationships.

     Remember when you first met the love of your life? You couldn’t wait to see them, hold their hand, put your arms around them. You’d race through the day just to race through the door to grab them in a hug and plant a big, fat, juicy kiss right on their lips. When’s the last time you did that? Have your hellos and goodbyes gone from hot and bothered to cool and distracted?

     Perhaps this year’s Valentine’s Day can be more than a Hallmark holiday. Perhaps it can be a catalyst to pump real and lasting romance into our relationships. Here are 3 quick tips from my book to get you started:

     

Number 1: Kiss ‘Em Like You Mean It. Do you remember your very first kiss? Heart racing, knees jelly, hands sweaty. It was scary and shaky and sexy. It was wonderful. But as time goes on, those melt in your mouth kisses can morph into a peck on the lips or even the cheek. Stop that. FULL ON KISS YOUR PARTNER. Do it often. When you wake up, when you go to bed, when you leave the room, when you enter the room, when you’re on the couch, or in the kitchen, or doing yard work. Kiss them like you did when you were first dating. Kiss them slowly. Kiss them deliberately. Kiss them often. Kiss them passionately. 
Kiss them now.

     
Number 2: Hold Their Hand. Holding hands is one of the earliest forms of intimacy. But, somewhere along the way, the art of hand-holding becomes lost. Our hands become filled with briefcases, diaper bags, grocery bags, babies, or books. But when you slowly lace your fingers with your loved one’s, you communicate so much without saying a word. You tell them how much you love being with them, how proud you are of them, how much you like being “that close” to them. Reach out and touch. It’s more than a song.

     Number 3: Say “I Love You.” What? They know I love ‘em," you think to yourself. So? You ever watch a quarterback who’s blocked from throwing a pass, scrambles, and runs into the end zone for the touchdown? He knows everybody loves him. But watch him. He runs the sidelines, looking for the hugs, smiles and fanny slaps that are football language for “I love ya, man.” He looks for his girl so she can blow him a kiss and say “I love you.” Yes, they know you love them. They still want to hear you say it. Often. Unexpectedly. For no reason at all. I. Love. You. Three little words that will give them a reason to read your lips. They’ll probably kiss them, too.

     So, there you go. I dare you to try these three simple steps, consistently, for at least a week, better yet, for the entire “love month.” I bet you’ll notice the temperature’s rising in your relationship. And when it comes to love, “heat” is not a bad thing.

     For 27 more tips, on spicing up your romantic life, check out Drexel’s book “30 Days to Better Love” at www.drexelgilbert.com Also available at Amazon.com.

2019: Year of No?

Shonda Rhimes, the producer of mega-hits Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal, wrote a best seller a few years ago, entitled Year of Yes. It’s a great book about the benefits of recognizing and accepting opportunities and of saying “yes” to people and moments that cross our paths.  That’s a wonderful philosophy that can lead to personal growth.

But I’ve decided that for me, 2019 is the “Year of NO.”

I do not mean this in a negative way but in the most positive way possible.  In 2018, I said “yes” so often, it stretched me so tightly I thought I would snap and break into a million pieces… even when I looked like I had it all together. Last New Year’s Day, I decided to live 2018 the fullest. I vowed to do, read, experience, and/or eat something new every day of the year.

I did.

It wore me out.

I found that in “saying yes,” to every career, academic, social, family, and even spiritual opportunity and invitation that came my way, I was doing a lot. But I was not getting a lot done. And I wasn’t doing any of it very well.

So, this year, I’ve decided to say “no” more often.

It will be hard. I am an adventuress. A doer. A “carpe diem” gal. I live for the experience and the moments. I love to go, see, and do! I love a challenge. My favorite saying is “Who says you can’t?” Saying “no” will be hard. And, I’m not saying there won’t be plenty of wonderful people and opportunities and invitations that I will say “yes” to in 2019. But this year, I will be more discerning about those “yes” answers.

I've learned I’m not alone in this weariness of saying yes. A recent report on CBS News talked about “JOMO.” That’s the “Joy Of Missing Out.” Apparently, a lot of us long to de-tech, destress and even detach. It seems many of us want to simplify our lives, instead of cramming so much stuff into every single minute. We want to stop filling up our moments, and simply enjoy them. We want to put down the laptop, ipad, and cellphone and actually talk to each other, explore our feelings... and breathe. We want to live and love the people we know and the things that we do. We want to focus on a few meaningful activities, instead of scattering ourselves on many wearying things.

JOMO. Rhymes with NO.NO.

So, how do we get back to strolling, instead of racing, through life? Perhaps in 2019, we should ask these questions when presented with an opportunity or invitation.

Will this feed or drain my spirit?

Will this feed or drain my relationships?

Will this feed or drain my health?

Will this feed or drain my career?

Will this feed or drain my mind?

Will this move me forward or distract me from doing what’s really important?

Most importantly, will this make me better… for God, for others, and for myself?

If we can’t answer “yes” to each of those questions, we might consider saying “no.” That’s what I’ll be doing in 2019.

Happy "No" Year!

Puppy Dog Kisses & Rainbow Bridges-Saying Goodbye to Buddy

I've been off the grid for awhile. That's what happens sometimes when you have a loss. I've had one. And, it's kinda' rocked my world. If you have a pet, you know that life is made so much better because of that fur baby! My sweet little dog Buddy made my life better in so many ways. From the moment he put his tiny paws on my chest and looked straight into my eyes as an 8-week old puppy, to the last moment I saw him when he put his still-tiny paws on my chest and looked up at me as an 11-year-old "senior," we were almost two hearts beating as one. 

Buddy was my shadow. He followed me everywhere. He sat on a blanket in my office. He sat in a "doggy bag" when I sneaked him into university classes. He sat in front of the living room window watching for my return when I ran errands. He pretended to be a stuffed animal in the buggy when I sneaked him into Target. He took naps with me on the couch. He sat on my lap during road trips. 

He knew the teller at the bank drive-through has treats. He knew Starbucks serves "puppucinos." He slept on my pillow. Okay. It was his pillow that he let me share. He licked the tears off my face when I was sad. He licked my nose when he was happy! He snuggled up to his "sisters" (my daughters) because he loved them unconditionally! He snuggled up to people who were hurting because he loved with abandon. He was what my daughters and I called a "comfort dog." He was our "buddy."

And, then...sweet little Buddy was no more. Just like that. In the blink of an eye, a terrible accident took his life while I was out of town. He was in the care of people who also loved him. Accidents happen. You can't wish them away.  You can't pray them away. You can't cry them away. You can't scream them away. You try. You really try. But you can't. 

And, so, here I am. 3 weeks later. Still waiting for his paws to skitter across the hardwood floor as he races toward me to say "Hey, Mom! Where've you been?" Still waiting for him to dash up the doggy stairs by the bed and onto "my" pillow. Still waiting for him to wake me up at 5 a.m. for breakfast and a walk. Still waiting for him to dig a toy from his basket and drop it at my feet. Still waiting for him to crawl up on my lap, put his

paws on my chest, and turn those big brown eyes up to stare at me in absolute pure puppy love. Still waiting.

Loss is hard. Whether it's loss of a pet's life or loss of a human life. The loss is real. It leaves a hole that cannot be filled. But, with God's grace, and perhaps with time, it can become less painful. We can stop asking the "what if?" questions. We can put away or pass along the beds, toys, sweaters, and other items that belonged to them. We can learn to remember and cherish what was wonderful about them. We can look forward to seeing them again. Yes, I believe "all dogs (and other pets) go to Heaven." And, we can smile because of the time we had with them.

 

Below is the last video I have of sweet little Buddy. I'd taken him to work with me the day before I left to go out of town. We were headed home after a long day. He was excited to "go for a ride in the car!" I hope he's this happy where he is now. Rest in Peace, sweet little Buddy! I love you and I'll see you again! 

Graduating to the Future-Let's Help Them Learn to "Walk"

It's graduation season. The "walk" that began with a toddler's first steps all those years ago is about to become a full-on gallop into the future. I remember when I walked across my high school graduation stage. I had a mixture of relief, exuberance, and sheer fear! 

I remember when my daughters walked across that stage. I had a mixture of relief, exuberance, and sheer fear! I bet you can relate.

Graduation is more than a rite of passage. It is more than a celebration of accomplishments in the past. It is a gateway to what is ahead. Some graduating students are headed to the next level of higher education. Some are headed to the workforce. Some are headed to the armed forces. Some don't know where they are headed. All of them are looking into that scary thing called the "future." Will it be fun? Will it be hard? Will it hurt? Yes, yes, and yes.

As parents, grandparents, friends, and co-workers of these graduates, we have a responsibility. We are charged with helping them find their way, helping them define their goals and dreams, and with guiding them in the best ways of achieving those goals and dreams. How do we do that?

Here are three suggestions.

Listen to them. The graduate in your life is happy. Happy to be OUT OF SCHOOL. Happy to be FREE. (Yeah, I know. They'll get that reality check later.) Happy to be INDEPENDENT. (That one, too.) But, they are also scared. They are moving into new territory- whether that territory is middle school, high school, college or grad school. They have fears about what awaits them. When they talk to you about those fears, resist the urge to tell them "It will be okay," or  to say, "This is how I handled it,"  or worse, "This is how you should handle it." Sometimes, your graduate doesn't need to hear your advice or platitudes. Sometimes, they just need to talk. Let them. You might be surprised at what they work out on their own, just because you had the restraint to LISTEN and let them talk through things out loud.

Be available. When my daughters went off to college, I felt like a piece of my body had been torn off. I seriously felt physical pain. Can any of you relate? When I saw their cell numbers pop up on my phone, I felt instant healing. And, I don't care if I was talking to my boss, my mama, or my preacher, I instantly took their call. Sometimes they were calling with a problem they needed help with. Sometimes they were calling for money. Sometimes they were just calling to say "hey." Sometimes, I wonder if they were testing me just to see if I would answer. I always did. When your graduate is navigating new and scary territory they need a safe place they can go... and they need it when they need it, not when it's convenient for you. Be that safe place for them.

Be an encourager but not a fixer. It's hard for parents to let go. I get that. My daughters are in their 20's and I still want to rush in and fix everything for them. That's not doing them any favors. If you want your adult children to survive and thrive in this world, you need to let them handle some things on their own. And, you need to encourage them in their efforts to do that. How? By reinforcing their good ideas for solutions to problems, and by GENTLY guiding (not prodding or forcing) them away from questionable solutions/people/situations. A good way to do this is to ask them questions like: "What might happen if you did this?" and "What might happen if you don't do that?" Trust that you raised good kids. And, don't be afraid to let them fall. They will learn how to get up again and they will be stronger for it. Hug them when they are hurting. Let them cry. Then, tell them how proud you are of them, whether they succeed---or fail. Then, tell them again. And, again. And, again. 

These are just 3 of my suggestions for helping graduates move to the next stage of life. I bet you have some great advice, too! I'd love for you to post that advice here on the blog,  or on my Facebook https://www.facebook.com/drexelgilbertauthorspeakermotivatoror Twitter https://twitter.com/drexelgilbert pages. Hashtag it #graduationadvice2018 and let's see where it takes us and where it takes them! 






    

"That" Mom

I am "that" mom. You know. The one who saved every daily progress report from her daughters' pre-school. The one who saved every coloring sheet from kindergarten. The one who saved every pair of ballet slippers, even the ones that smelled like a dirty gym bag. The one who actually saved the tiny paper holes her 5-year-old sat on the floor punching for HOURS! Yep. I saved it all.

Except for the afternoon I didn't.

I'd had a day. In the newsroom where I worked as an anchor, I'd faced one obstacle after another. On the drive home, I'd hit every red light and traffic jam, and gotten behind every bobo driver on the road. My day had been filled with clutter.

While unpacking the girls' things I pulled out a fistful of coloring papers. I just couldn't face the idea of any more clutter. So, I (gasp) looked over my shoulder, saw the coast was clear, opened the kitchen waste can, moved the things on top around, stuffed the papers inside, and covered them up. It was just one day's worth of coloring papers, right? I felt so guilty, I almost pulled them back out. Almost.

A while later, she came bounding into the kitchen. At some point, she opened the waste can and... you guessed it! She spied the papers, dug them out, turned her sweet little face and big blue eyes up to me and said, "Mommy! Why did you throw my art away? Don't you like it?"

Moments like that make you realize just how important the job of mothering is. Children, regardless of their age, look to us not just for love, but for guidance, encouragement, and even validation. We have to be mindful of our words and actions, even when we are tired or upset. Our words and actions have the power to wound or to heal. Healing words can change a life for the better. Wounds from words may take a lifetime to heal if they ever do.

Yes, mothering is a big job. We face sleepless nights ruled by a colicky 3-month-old. We face fearful nights the first time our teenager drives away in the family car by herself. We face heartbreaking nights when our child cries herself to sleep because of hurt feelings, lost love, or the cruelties of life.

But, we also face deliriously happy times. The first smile, tooth, or step. The way they look for you when they score on the soccer field, dance stage, or spelling bee. The nights they poke their head in your bedroom to say "I'm home, Mom. Night, I love you." 

   

Mothering is a big job. The stakes are high. You're handed this tiny, wrinkled little bundle of newness and you panic, thinking, "Okay.. what now?" Then you pray that you won't mess it up. You pray that somehow, God will give you the wisdom- and the wits - to raise this living, breathing creation of amazing wonderfulness into a bright, happy, productive human being. You pray. Then you pray again.

I'll never forget the mornings my daughters were born. When they were handed to me, they looked straight into my eyes. From that moment on, we were forever connected- not by an umbilical cord, but by a connection stronger than any piece of steel. We were connected- through thick and thin, good times and bad, joy and sorrow. My daughters are the only two people who have ever heard my heartbeat from the inside. I love them just as much today as I did the mornings they were born. More- if that's even possible. 

And, God must have heard my prayers. Because I did mess up. I said words I shouldn't have. I didn't say words I should have. I gave bad advice. I lost my cool. I tossed coloring papers in the trash. But, God, and my daughters, were bigger than my mistakes. My girls, Avery and Lauren, have grown into beautiful, bright, happy, successful young women. 

Am I still "that" mom? You bet. I keep every text, email, and card I receive from them. I press flowers they send me in wax paper, frame their artwork from years gone by, and fill up my office and home with books and bibles from their childhood. Clutter? Absolutely not. They are cherished memories of a lifetime of love and laughter. They are a reminder that we continue to make new memories... as mother and daughters, and as friends. And, on this Mother's Day, I give thanks to God that He placed these incredible human beings in my life. I am better for having known- and grown- them.

Happy Mother's Day? You bet it is.