Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

My eyes flew open. My heart... and my thoughts...began to race. So many things to think about, to worry over,  to be anxious for, to plan.  I pressed the display light on my cell phone.

1:36 a.m. Great.

My alarm was set for 4:00, in anticipation of an exceptionally busy day. I closed my eyes and tried to will myself back to sleep. But, as one of my  former television news co-anchors used to say, "I couldn't BUY sleep!" The last time I looked at the clock, it was 3:50. I blinked, it seemed, and the alarm began to blare.

Like a lot of people I know these days, I've been through many changes this year: Graduated from the first leg of my return to higher education. Saw one daughter become married. Sent another off to college.  Worked hard to get a new business on its feet.

It's been intense. 

Sometimes, that intensity makes its way into my subconscious and wreaks havoc on my sleep cycle. Somehow, I'm guessing you can relate.

A few days ago, I decided to devote 2 hours a week to stepping away from the fray, and signed onto a women's study at a local church. The study is authored by Angela Thomas and is called

"Brave. Honest Questions Women Ask."  The title of the first chapter is what sold me: 

"I Am Worn Out."

Lord. Can I get an amen? Seems like a lot of us are tired these days, and much of that fatigue comes from restless nights, tossing and turning as we watch the clock and try to solve all of our problems before the sun comes up. As if.

In today's reading, Ms. Thomas made a statement that jumped right off the pages at me. It was part of her discussion on the need for rest. I've used the same scriptures she quotes in my own talks and writings about God's understanding of our need for rest, and even His directives to do so. Physician, heal thyself! (Or, at least PAY ATTENTION, Drexel!)

The part that lit up like a neon marquee for me had to do with simply closing our eyes and trusting that God is in a much better position than we are to work out our problems.  No amount of tossing and turning,  or fretting and fussing, can outsmart Him.  So, the next time I wake up in the middle of the night, heart and thoughts racing, I'll remember Ms. Thomas's words:

"He can take care of all that I cannot stay awake to worry about."*

I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep tonight. How about you?

*From the book "Brave:Honest Questions Women Ask" by Angela Thomas

Ode to 54

As birthdays go, this one was calm.

A pretty day, it began with a psalm.

"Rejoice!" it instructed. "Burst into song!"

I thought about it...but not for long.

 

My singing voice is like my skin.

With age, it sags, and is becoming thin.

So, instead of singing, I decided to write

About getting older. It's not such a fright.

 

Oh, 54, I used to think

That when I caught up with you, my life would stink!

"I'll have no fun!" I feared the worst.

"I'll eat prunes, wear bad shoes, and keep socks in my purse!"

 

But, 54, you just ain't that bad!

Life is so much better than the fears that I had

Of growing older and losing my youth.

54, listen up and I'll tell you the truth.

 

"Youth is wasted on the young," once said a sage.

I get it! I understand much more at this age.

I appreciate life, its ups and its downs.

I pay attention, embrace, and laugh more than frown.

 

I want to learn, and to grow and to travel, and do!

I'm not afraid to say "I don't know" or "teach me"... it's true!

I do understand the quick passage of time,

Which makes every day precious. Give me a mountain to climb!

 

I understand the importance of holding your children to your heart.

And mending fences that have kept friendships apart.

By the way, I also get that it's harder to lose

The weight I put on when it's ice cream I choose!

 

My skin is not as firm, there's a droop here and there.

And, my roots are gray. No. Wait! They're not! I swear!

I find myself counting the number of full moons.

How many I've seen.. they come and go much too soon.

 

But, all in all, I would say 54 is a breeze.

No prunes for my birthday. Nachos, if you please.

So, take that, 54. You are not such a brute.

And, oh, by the way, my shoes are pretty cute!

 

 

Lighten Up!

After a somewhat strength-sapping week, I decided to put away the laptop and the work and concentrate on.. well, not concentrating! In fact, I decided to take my own advice, and as the weekend approaches.. to lighten up! I re-read that advice in the following entry in the video devotional, Anchored, which I recorded a few years ago. All of the entries in the devotional are based on my life and times in TV news. I thought that perhaps you've had a stressful week, too, and might enjoy reading this entry that I called:

The Fluff Piece

It isn’t always easy maintaining a smile and an optimistic attitude when working in a newsroom. Journalists are bombarded every hour of every day with bad news. Stories of car crashes, train wrecks, corrupt politicians, criminal behavior, abuse, a faltering economy and death-- both accidental and intentional-- come flying through the newsroom one right after another.

 It can become overwhelming and takes a toll on your outlook and mood.

That’s why I was always the newsroom champion of the ‘feel good story.’ The story of the good neighbor, the faithful pet, the child who volunteers, the skydiving grandma-- you get the idea. Other journalists might scoff, and indeed run from, the so called “fluff piece.” To the contrary,  I volunteered for that “beat,” believing these stories provide substance and balance to the daily blues...mmmm,  I mean the daily news.

We all need some “fluff” in our day.

We need a smile, a heart-lightening “moment” that brings balance. Don’t become so consumed by the “important” tasks that you miss the opportunity for the “fluff.” Take time to feed the ducks at the park, turn your face to the sun and feel its warmth, grab a lonely neighbor by the hand and take a walk through a garden or on the beach, or sneak away with your best friend to an afternoon movie. It may not be the most “important” thing you do in your day. Then again, perhaps it will. Because, maybe it will bring you that balance you need after battling your way through the “hard news” of the day.

“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
Psalm 118:24 KJV

  

Just Start Flappin'

"Start by doing what is necessary,

 then do what's possible, 

and suddenly you are doing the impossible."

~St. Francis of Assisi

Sometimes, you have to just start flappin'. No telling where it will take you!

What Will They See?

Even when you think no one is watching, someone may have you in their sights.

Her name was Nancy. She sat across the table from me during our newly organized women’s Bible study group. After a particularly intense session, dealing in part with our responses to stressors as Christian women, Nancy looked me straight in the eye. 

“This conversation reminds me of the first time I saw you in person,” she said. “We were in the grocery store. Your daughter ( a toddler) was acting up.”

"Oh, no," I thought, as I braced myself for what was to come.You see, in my younger, hectic, sleep-deprived life as a full time journalist and mother, I wasn’t always at my best at the end of the day with a cranky toddler in tow. Was my testimony about to be blown, right here in the spotlight of the Bible study group?

“I was standing behind you in line,” recalled Nancy. “Your daughter was trying to climb out of the shopping buggy. She was reaching for this candy bar and that package of gum. She was fussy and was getting louder and louder. I watched as you leaned down and got eye-to-eye with her. You began singing “Jesus Loves Me” softly to her, and within seconds she had calmed down. Before you made it to the cashier, you both were singing and she was smiling.” Nancy smiled and said, “I’ll always remember that.”

I actually remember that day so very long ago. Please don’t give me credit for my reaction to my daughter’s ‘spell’, as my grandmother would have called it. I clearly recall that my first instinct was to become angry and impatient. But, a nudging from the Holy Spirit redirected me. Instead of giving into my natural reaction, I prayed for supernatural intervention. He supplied it. And because He came through for us-- with a song and a smile-- His name and my witness left the grocery store intact that day.

Do I keep my cool every time a cranky person crosses my path--when a rude driver cuts me off in traffic--when Life  doesn't 'sit and stay' when I tell it to? I would love to tell you 'yes.'

That would not be the truth.

But, when I do pay attention to that nudging in my spirit, and intentionally step back and let Him take over... the growls turn into grins.. the snarls into smiles... and sometimes, just sometimes, the wisecrack turns into a warble!

It's all about remembering that... it's all about Him... and the person who may be watching us lose control and 'have a spell.'  Even when you think no one is watching...someone may have you in their sights. What will they see?

"The Spirit

gives us

power, love

and self-control."

2 Timothy 1:7 (CEV) 

Plans

"Your natural preference is to plan out your day, knowing what will happen when. My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed."*

Today's Jesus Calling devotional seemed appropriate as so many of our plans were derailed this week by the storm called Isaac. As a natural born planner, it's hard for me to 'go with the flow.' I like having my schedules, and my lists, and my marching orders. 

But, sometimes, we just have to hang on and wait for Him to get us back on track.We have to wait for His plan to kick in. Easy? No. Necessary? Yes. Because, in the end, His plan is the one that really matters.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

*Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

On Filling Up that Empty Nest

Now, that I am settling into life as an empty nester, I am learning a few things:

1- I can now prepare asparagus and broccoli for dinner without hearing "Ew... do I have to eat that?"

2- I can clean the kids' bathroom on Monday, and it's still clean on Friday.

3- Laundry really doesn't have to be done every day. Who knew?

I am also learning that if I could roll the clock back a few months:

1- I would happily return to preparing spaghetti, macaroni and cheese and chicken nachos every night.

2 -I would happily pick up those clothes that always piled up behind the bathroom door, and scrub the tub every day.

3- There are worse things than washing, drying and folding clothes.

I miss my kids.  There.   I said it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not sitting around moping. I'm up and at 'em every day, living my life, working hard and moving forward. I know this is why we raise our children... to eventually release them to become happy, healthy, independent adults who will hopefully live productive, happy, prosperous lives--- and live those lives in such as way as to have a positive influence on society.

 I get that. I also get this: I miss my kids.

Someone recently said to me, "But you wouldn't want them to live with you forever would you?" Actually.....I totally get the whole "Dallas" thing now. 

I do believe I could SO be Miss Ellie, happily moving through life with all of my brood living under the same roof. Each family would have their own wing, mind you (complete with their own bathrooms and laundry rooms!)  There would be total autonomy for each family, with no butting into one another's business. 

But, everyone could gather together around the dinner table at night and give thanks for the food (asparagus for me... mac 'n cheese for them) and for each other.

Does that sound old-fashioned and sappy in today's modern world where careers, and life's obligations and responsibilities are separating us relationally (yes, I know it's not a word, but it should be) as well as geographically? 

Well, don't expect me to apologize.  As Miss Ellie would say,"We may be right and we may be wrong, but we're Ewings (family,) we stick together and that's what makes us unbeatable." She also said (in the face of someone threatening her family) "Ray, go get the shotgun out of the closet." Atta' girl.

Wonder if Southfork can be rented for a family vacation?