Thursday, August 18, 2011

Ode to Velma, the Cow-Bride

August 18 is National Bad Poetry Day. In the spirit of fun, I invited my Facebook friends to  get their rhyme on-- and participate in a free-flowing group-poem! I fed them the first three lines. They took it from there. One prolific poet would pick up where another left off. The end result is NOTHING like I'd imagined (thank you Scott, for 'steering' it in a hysterical direction) and is more hilarious than I'd ever anticipated. Is it the Really Rotten Rhyme I called for? Heck, no! It's actually pretty good! And a very entertaining read. Thanks to all my Facebook buddies for playing along-- you are credited below. Here is the end result (with slight editing, but with original intent in place.)  

Ode to Velma-- The Cow Bride

I woke up this morning, the sun was all yellow.
I went for a walk. I was feeling quite mellow.
But, when I rounded the corner, what I saw caused me fear.
A red cow named Velma was drinking a beer.
Her eyes were all blotchy, her hair was a mess.
She was wearing the top of an old wedding dress.
She looked up when she saw me and called me by name.
After that, my life was never the same. She said, “Scott, don't worry, I'm actually tame.
Come sit for awhile and let’s chew the cud.
Have a refreshment, and I'll call you my bud.”

Alas and alack, my day was not done.
As I backed away and started to run
I stepped in some droppings.
The cow’s.
And, not number one.
So I squished out of there, one step at a time
Thinking, "Steak for my supper. That cow, she is mine!"

Cleaning my shoes, my heart went to mush.
I thought to myself, “That cow's in no rush.
It seems to me that she’s pretty smart,
Let’s see if she can pick this algebra equation apart!"

Here's an equation, let's see how you do.
 (x+9=18-2x) can you solve for x in a minute or 2?
“Solve for x?” said the cow with a grin,
“If I can't, I'll seek help from a friend.
My friend named Drexel took Algebra in school.
 She's smart, attractive and REALLY cool.”

Then, that cow started solving math like a pro
I wondered aloud, “How far can this go?”
When, alas, that cow did step on my toe.
Did I step on hers, too…causing milk to free-flow?

Oh, Velma, my dear, what a mess we have made!
For your wedding gift, your tail I will braid!
You’ll be the best looking cow bride there can ever be.
The bull you are marrying will drop to one knee.

I suddenly realized how far I had veered
From my walk 'round the block.  I was lost, it was clear!
I bid my adieu to this bizarre bovine scene.
It was time to return to the real world, it seemed.

Alas, this adventure into poetry-gone-wrong
Has come to an end, so let's not prolong
The end of the Really Rotten Rhyme's brief stay.
I'll see you again, next Bad Poetry Day! 
**Thanks so much to Scott C., Jeff K., Kathy D., Lisa K., Lisa R., Susan F., Leslie S., Jan Mc., and Terri K.!

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