|The Chapel at First United Methodist Church|
Have you ever sat in one place---for one hour---in the shadows---just listening?
I still haven't.
Nope. Not that disciplined. I found my thoughts wandering from here to there. I prayed. I sang softly to myself. I tapped my feet. I whistled. I was what my grandmother used to call a "wiggle-worm." I would corral my thoughts back in, only to have them wander off again. I almost nodded off.
I had a flash of insight to what Peter, James and John might have felt like that night in Gethsemane. (Matthew 26) Jesus had asked them to keep watch while he prayed. Instead---they fell asleep. "Couldn't you even keep watch for an hour?" He asked them.
I felt like I'd let the most important One down, by not even being able to sit still and listen for Him for one lousy hour.
Immediately my thoughts jumped again. This time they landed on a stand up comedy routine I'd heard while visiting a friend's church. The routine featured two guys. One portrayed God and the other was, well---a regular guy. The regular guy had exhibited bad behavior and was apologizing to God. The regular guy said, "I just feel like I've let You down."
God replied--- "You were never holding Me up."
Wow. I guess I need to remember that. God holds ME up---not the other way around. HE doesn't need me to be still and listen to, or for, Him for an hour---or as long as it takes.
I need it.
I stopped looking at the clock. I started looking at front of the chapel. I sat. I focused. I listened.
What did I hear? I'll tell you in a few days when I get it all straightened out in my head and in my heart. In the meantime, I'm gonna' go back to that chapel. Who knows what else I might hear in the sounds of silence?